Originally published December 15, 2015
The end is nigh, the end is nigh!
I’ll give away the ending right here: the Jag wins.
It wasn’t an easy win, nor was it unanimous between the various voices in my head. But nevertheless, at the end of the day, we agreed that as tested, this fetching Jaguar (did I say fetching? Well, that’s very British of me but doesn’t do this little sex-kitten justice.) just manages to pull ahead of the Teutonic titan by a nose.
It was a back-and-forth affair, each showing superiority and unique strengths and wildly differing characters, but when it came right down to it, I had to give the nod to the F-Type R AWD based on one overwhelming quality: speed. The Jag has it, the Porsche has a lot less of it. Okay, maybe not a lot less, but it sure feels that way.
Here now is the curiosity: the Porsche power delivery is superior in the real world, and its much more balanced AWD distribution was on full lockdown, and I imagine even moreso when the road gets even a smidge slippery in rain, cold or snow. It’s really far more usable pretty much everywhere. Never setting a foot wrong and never getting squirrely. And that, right there, is the problem. Sure it’s great if you just want to get where you’re going, but where’s the excitement, where’s the thrill?
Doesn’t everyone want to be a little exhaust barking, tire-chirping sideways-skittering at the merest feathering of throttle when turning onto a busy thoroughfare first thing in the morning? Who needs coffee when you have the amazing sneaky-slippery cat!?!?!
However seeing as we need to give you your money’s worth, let’s pore over their curves and characters to see why we pegged something other than a Porsche to win.
Yeah, we know Porsche fans and conservatives everywhere will affirm that the 911’s design stands the test of time, its curvaceous everything hugging the ground and big black wheels just bulging out of the white profile in a seeming homage to a Star Wars stormtrooper livery. They’re right. The shape is streamlined, sleekly modern and functional rather than fussy.
The Jaguar’s more upright grille, creased flanks and jaw-dropping rear haunches seem to exude their own special brand of pheromones that works on just about every car lover we see, and that’s before it even purrs a single snarling note. Is there a better looking car on the market these days? If there is, it’s surely a matter of preference, and not many would fault you for voting for this British bombshell.