Top Picks: Tacky Christmas Presents

Socks, scarves and ill-fitting clothes are the norm for most when opening presents during the holidays. And if you’re a car nut, it can be significantly more painful. Sure, well-meaning friends and family members should be applauded for trying, but with a little help they can avoid putting you in an awkward situation of returning, re-gifting or round-filing.

These suggestions run the gamut from ridiculously expensive, tasteless, useless and downright dangerous.

Lamborghini Tricolore Candle Set

While the red, green and white colours of the Italian flag were spread crazily over the Tricolore Gallardo, they are also handily shades already associated with Christmas. So why not enjoy a candle commemorating both? All three colours are available, and the small candle comes in its own etched black glass holder, and a matching black gift box. Price? Try $40.00. Each. Before shipping and duty. Forty dollars for a tea light?

Ferrari Shield Chinese Checkers

Looking to reintroduce family game nights that aren’t tied to televisions or phone screens? Perhaps a nice Chinese Checkers set would appeal? Few will find issue with this Ferrari-branded piece, with a genuine sheet of carbon fibre overlay and some beautiful hand-polished wood. Since it’s official Ferrari-sanctioned merchandise, a high price is to be expected, but $750 for a checkers set is extreme. Worse, the description mentions that over half the board’s construction is MDF, which is basically sawdust held in glue. You’ll find it in cheap Walmart furniture, of which you could get a whole house worth for this one Ferrari board game.

Lamborghini Tricolore candle set, Chrysler Corkcicle, Mercedes-Benz Trucker belt buckle, Trucker Zippo lighter. Click image to enlarge

Chrysler Corkcicle

Interesting concept, the Corkcicle. Yet another way to chill alcohol without resorting to adding ice or water and avoid spoiling the taste. Rather than focusing on cooling the whole bottle externally or after the glasses have been poured, the Corkcicle fits down the neck, cooling from the inside out. Perhaps it’s my inner 12-year-old self, but the whole affair looks seriously phallic, even if it does come with a tasteful gift box for $40. The laser-etched Chrysler name looks more like the company’s ‘90s-era wax blob and not the more modern one.

Mercedes-Benz Trucker Bracelet, Zippo Lighter, Belt buckle and belt

Mercedes-Benz does have a long history of excellent transport haulers in the rest of the world, although few big rigs get the iconic star on their grille. So while the company’s decision to offer a Trucker ‘collection’ of official merchandise, the designs are, shall we say, tacky? A mix of Screaming Eagle and three-pointed stars are more than slightly off-putting. Lots of ‘Flyover State’ sentiment, which is ironic given most of that territory can’t afford or want a ‘Benz. This is much more up Harley-Davidson’s alley than one of the world’s most prestigious brands.

Porsche Pen Case

We all know Porsche offers some of the most expensive customization options around. Over $700 to wrap your rear-view mirror in leather? Or $585 for Alcantara-trimmed seatbelt guides? So a small, fairly innocuous pen case with the Porsche crest plainly in view is over $100 to purchase. The company doesn’t even try to spice up the description at all, although it does include two – count ‘em, two – elastics to hold a pair of writing instruments.

Porsche pen case, portable hand warmer/backup phone charger, the reason hand models exist. Click image to enlarge

Portable hand warmer/backup phone charger

While hand warmers and backup phone chargers are great by themselves, combined, it’s a pretty terrible idea. Guessing this was more a case of trying to ‘make a positive out of a negative’ since charging batteries already creates a plenty of excess waste heat in the process. While hand-warmers of any stripe – chemical, electric, flame – are risky there are too many chances for this to go horribly, disfiguringly wrong. Put that $40 towards a power bank that a better reputation towards actually delivering the number of recharges it says on the box.