Fords might try to eject your kids through the side rear door while Mitsubishi wants to hypermile you into a pole.

Bad news, folks. Your cars are trying to kill you. And your kids. After eliminating your family, Mother Earth will try to reclaim the back half of your minivan.

First up, Ford’s jellybean people mover, the Freestar, is being recalled for excessive rust issues which may or may not cause the third row seat not to anchor properly. But, don’t worry, if you have a 2004 through 2007 Freestar, Ford dealers can fix you up with a patch job.

On certain vehicles originally sold or currently registered in areas of heavy road salt usage during winter months (Ontario, Quebec, New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, Prince Edward Island, and Newfoundland & Labrador), corrosion can occur at the latch for the forward portion of the third row seat. Continued corrosion in this area may result in the inability to fully latch the forward portion of the seat into its seating position, which could increase the risk of injury in a crash. Note: Seat belt anchorages and permanent seat anchorages, which are at the rear of the seat, are unaffected. Correction: Dealers will install new third row seat latch striker mounting brackets which relocate the seat latch strikers from the potentially corroded area. In addition, dealers will install overlay panels on the exterior of the wheel wells to prevent entry of water and corrosive elements.

Ford has another advisory for its much recalled 2013 Escape, Focus, and C-MAX models. The child safety lock on the left rear door is a bit stiff which may cause mommy and daddy to think the child lock is activated when it really isn’t. Nobody wants their kid ejected out the side door, so Ford dealers will inspect and replace the switch if necessary.

On certain vehicles, the left rear door child lock may not engage when the operator uses normal turning force to activate the child lock, and the operator may incorrectly believe the child lock is engaged. Without the child lock engaged, the door can be opened using the inside door handle. This condition could potentially increase the risk of injury to an unrestrained child. Correction: Dealers will inspect the door latch and replace if necessary.

And from Mitsubishi, their little electric 2013 i-MiEV is at it again, this time with braking issues. At fault is a vacuum pump which can fail, causing you to lose power assistance and contributing to a crash including fiery death. Total units affected? Eight. I guess two people bought i-MiEVs since the last recall.

On certain vehicles, the brake system vacuum pump may have been manufactured incorrectly and could fail. Loss of brake power assist could increase stopping distances, possibly causing a crash resulting in property damage and/or personal injury. Correction: Dealers will replace the brake vacuum pump.

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