Wow, what have I missed here!
My thoughts are for first choice, of course is a 2009 Forester Touring if it can be had for the budget. I use mine extensively in the woods for my forestry consulting business so I know it's off-road ability is good. Also has lots of room for 4 adults, plus gear. 2008 and earlier Foresters are very tight in the back seat, so may not work for your needs.
My experience with mine is such:
Interior functionality more important than esthetics: Check. Lots of room as we have shown with our move and when we go canoeing. Split rear seats, cup holders etc work well.
Relatively decent on gas. Miss Jetta runs at 10L-ish/100km. I drive about 15,000 kms per year, so not a huge concern.: Check. Averaging 9.3 l/100 kms on all-terrain tires. Based on almost 90,000 kms in 3 1/2 years.
Reasonably reliable – I drive my cars until they start costing me stupid amounts of money to fix: Check. No issues in 90,000 kms.
Automatic only. The knee is done with clutching. I'm sorry, already – now stop whining: The Forester 4 speed AT is OK, but not as good as some of the newer 5 speeds. But I really like the manual mode, easy to use and works well.
Loads of cargo room for activities as indicated above: Check, as noted above. The design allows for lots of big stuff to be carried in the back.
Nice to Have
4WD or AWD on demand. Full time may make it a gas pig: According to real world fuel consumption numbers from Consumer Reports, the Forester with full time AWD does no worse than a CR-V, RAV4 or any other CUV in its class.
V6 - max. Or Forester XT
Roof rails and Heated seats: Forester Touring has this standard (Canadian model only, roof rails on US versions was different, same with heated seats. Touring also has heated windshield wiper rests that work very well.
Ground clearance is excellent in the Forester, as are the approach and departure angles. When you are looking at your test rides, get underneath and see how they have packaged the stuff like mufflers and other bits. I was very impressed with how little really hangs down in harms way with a Forester. Compare to a X-Trail or older CR-V for example and how the muffler is very exposed to potential damage, especially when backing up.
Also, lots of after-market stuff for the Forester like skid plates and decent mud flaps.
I estimate mine will go to about 90% of the places my Pathfinder went; and the big hold back is the lack of a low range (but then none of the CUV's you are looking have a low range).
a real spare if you need it far from home.
Nice. Foresters used to as well. I hate that Subaru now installs a mini spare.
I have fitted a full size spare into mine, the well holds it just fine:
http://www.subaruforester.org/vbulletin/f72/09-full-size-spare-fitment-41797/Happy test drives!