To the OP - it just depends on what you want, and how you drive. Both X3s are fine vehicles. The 28i with the proven N52 engine is a capable machine and is enough for many buyers. Be aware that the next year's 28i will have the N20, 4 cyl turbo engine, and the N52 will be gone.
For me, the 35i was the one to get because:
- I was coming from an M3 sedan, and I like the power, whether I use it or not
- I wanted the MSport pkg for the sport seats, the 19" wheels, the thicker steering wheel, and the looks of it. I far prefer the look of the MSport to the regular X3; particularly in front and rear views. You CANNOT get the MSport with the 28i in Canada. I wanted the DHP for suspension adjustment, and you cannot get that on the 28i either.
- the N55 twin-scroll turbo engine develops 300lb/ft of torque at about 1400rpm - VERY useful in town for quick acceleration for merging, passing and other (??!!) less mature actions. The power and torque of the N55 engine is sweet on the hiway as well.
- the 35i comes with more standard features than does the 28i (I cannot recall all of them right now, but the BMW website and brochures give the comparisons).
- both engines are sweet sounding, and I find it a bit funny you cannot hear the gnarlier sound of the N55 over the N52. The exhaust system of the 35i (but not the 28i) has a cutout for pronounced sounds, especially on start-up.
I drove both the 28i and the 35i extensively before ordering, in fact, I drove the 28i more and longer as I originally thought it may do me. In fact, I am glad I opted for the more expensive 35i with MSport and DHP. It is a great combo of fun to drive and practicality.
You say the Bimmer forum was giving you bad advice - not so, unless you have already made up your mind to go 28i. Which may be fine for you, but for me, 35i all the way. Both are better SAVs than most others in the segment, especially in the driving dynamics dept.
Good luck.