Ok I have the answer! BMW should introduce a new brand called the Trabant or something. Same cars but only available in puke yellow, vomit green or

brown with ugly wheels. Give them a really nauseating new car smell. This sub brand could have the 1,3 and M cars but optioned for enthusiasts. 6MT or DCT only, no power seats, aggressive throttle tip-in, tight steering racks, no run flats, cheap stereo...you know what I mean. Sell them out of scruffy dealerships that used to sell Ladas.
The smell could be fixed at PDI and the fake ugly paint ( vinyl decal stuff) stripped off.