There are good dealer and bad dealers, and there are good indies and bad indies. It's just the way it is. It is my experience that Honda products do carry very high service costs, with frequent "inspection services" that run quite a few hours of labour and any fluids/filters are on top of an already high bill. Subaru does the same thing.
Honda and Subaru OE parts are also VERY expensive. People run down German cars, but our Mercedes cars were always less to maintain and repair than the Honda or Subaru vehicles we've owned, with most parts prices (electronics being the exception) being dramatically lower. I always buy jobber parts for our Subaru when possible, and have NOT noticed them being of a lesser quality, just being typically 25% of the cost. (Our Subaru dealer does 2x or 3x most of the MSRP's for parts, so that is one problem)
My trick to keeping the long term costs down is not to buy those services. I bring the car in and make a list of things like "change coolant, change diff fluid, change trans fluid and filter" and so on. No inspection labour, thanks anyway.
If the engine coolant pump is driven by the timing belt, it can be a good long term saving to change it when doing the belt. Our Subaru is VERY labour intensive to get into the front of the engine, so I wouldn't dream of doing the belts without also doing the water pump, tensioner, idler and front main seal.
In the case of the OP, I would seek some other opinions of the work required, just because you're not in the position to know if those items are truly in need of work. I'm an ex-DIY and know pretty much everything that needs attention, and if the mechanic says something is amiss that I didn't know about, I get them to show me. If they can't, then I know they were trying to take me for a ride, and I won't return there.
As for treatment of women, I still see this garbage, even by women service advisers. If my wife drops off and picks up the car, she always has to call me because there is some giant estimate of repairs attached to the bill. So I have to go down and get them to show me, and on 90% of the items, it's just not required. They always seem to tell her the car needs new brakes, and when I ask to have a look they always back peddle with some BS about "they're fine now, but we meant you'd better keep an eye on them."
I just did brakes on all four corners of the Forester (for about $300 in parts, as opposed to the $1500 the dealer wanted for parts/labour), but didn't do the oil change myself. I had a service special coupon for a $79.95 synthetic change at the dealer, so as that's not much more than it costs to DIY, I took it in.
Do you think my brand new brakes were shot? Of course. They also charged me $126 for an "A" service, being just inspections. Christ, I SAID AN OIL AND FILTER and gave you the coupon.
That was the straw that broke the camel's back with the Subaru dealer. I won't return there, and it's really turned me off buying a new one when the Forester finally gives up.