Woo-hoo! My car made #1!

I wish someone would tell my local criminals, though. I've had the damn thing for eight years now, and nobody's so much as tried to steal the loose change from the cupholders.

I'm just about ready for a new car, and a nice insurance payout would save me a lot of hassle. Maybe if I print out the article and post it in the rear window, I might attract a bit more attention.
