Official Detroit 2006 Discussions

Sniff Petrol’s take on the Detroit Auto Show:

The Detroit Show is traditionally an occasion for the American 'Big Three' to make their mark and this year was no exception. Ford set the tone for their year ahead with the centrepiece of their stand being a massive tips bowl whilst General Motors unveiled their new corporate slogan, "We're Begging You". Analysts now say that both manufacturers would much more financially healthy if they changed their name to The Girl Scouts and started selling cookies. Meanwhile, Chrysler is poised to introduce a cross-brand discount scheme which builds on the previous 'employee discounts for all' programme. Under the forthcoming "Actual Employee Program" customers will be invited to work in a Chrysler factory for an hour, in return for which they will be given a car.

Biggest trend of the Detroit Show was undoubtedly the crossover. Crossovers are designed to be less attractive than SUVs but not as nice to drive as a normal car and have been embraced by all American manufacturers with new models including the Pontiac Asstouch, the Lincoln MOM and the Ford SoccerParty.

But it wasn't all lazy and desperate thinking at Detroit. Just most of it. Dodge stunned showgoers with its new Caliber which is notable for not being horrible. However, insiders say the surprising niceness of the outside is more than compensated for by the usual rubbish interior plastics which one source claims have resulted in a severe shortage of Tic Tac boxes. Dodge also revealed its striking Challenger concept which proves that the most powerful tool in modern car design is a book of all the stuff you used to do when you had balls. Meanwhile, over at Chrysler chief attraction was the astonishing Imperial concept which answers the age old question, 'What would happen if you asked a 12 year old with learning difficulties to draw you a Rolls Royce Phantom?' And the answer is, it would look unbelievably

horrid.

Of course, it wasn't only American manufacturers at Detroit. Some stands were serving beer with some sort of actual taste as well. Lexus, for example, revealed the latest LS along with news that, thanks to unprecedented levels of sound deadening, the new limo will be promoted with the slogan "It's Like Being Deaf!" Also in the XL category, Mercedes gave us the world premier of its top of the range S-class, the S65 AMG. This twin turbo supersaloon is restricted to the usual 155mph although you can pay extra to have that limiter stretched to 186mph and if you've just paid for a 612bhp car that sounds only reasonable, just as you'd expect to order lobster in a good restaurant and then pay more to have them not do a

on it. Finally, Nissan took the covers off its new Versa. And then put them back on again because it's bloody disgusting.

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